Sunday, April 23, 2017

RHCP & BABY METAL ROCKED LITTLE ROCK


Last night at Verizon Arena was one of the best rock shows from one of the best touring rock bands of all time. 60 dollar nosebleed tickets were so worth it, hearing my favorite band with my favorite sister and brother, listening to RHCP was amazing, the light lantern show was incredible whoever engineered the hundreds of light lanterns is simply an art genius, and the lanterns changing color complimented each song nicely.

RHCP & BABY METAL ROCKED LITTLE ROCK


Flea stopped slapping the bass to say just how thankful he was to be here still doing what he fucking loves to do create great music, how thankful we all should be about being alive in general. How lucky we all are to be here at a rock show giving him money. A LOT of Fucking money.  Later on in the show he did a version of the hobo folk song Big Rock Candy Mountain with just him singing and on  bass which was unexpected, hilarious and wonderful.

Ant still has an iconic great voice, he is a lyricist up there with Bob Dylan, he has written so many songs that helped define a generation. A proficient writer with songs spanning multiple generations he is the heart of the band,  but Chad keeps the beat.  He didn't throw out like a hundred drum sticks like he did on RHCP's last show at Verizon which happened to be on his birthday, "I wouldn't want to be any where else on the planet to celebrate my birthday than right here in Little Rock, Arkansas!" Yea right Chad but thank you for beating the crap out of those drums again sir.

Klinghoffer is an incredible guitarist and performer. Dude was dancing like MC Hammer with the guitar. Flea has definitely taken him under his wing. The two jumped around Ant all night rocking the crowd, it was an awesome rock show.

RHCP & BABY METAL ROCKED LITTLE ROCK


Speaking of Awesome rock shows, the opener was a band called BABY METAL, it was like three zombie anime Power Puff Girls yelling in Japanese with Slipknot as their backup band. I didn't understand a single thing they said but I didn't have to their music transcends. Baby Metal Rocks. I hope Flea is just railing one of those zombie Power Puff Girls.


Tuesday, September 27, 2016

"The Girl In Don't Breathe Got A Double Dose"

"The Girl In Don't Breathe Got A Double Dose"

If you break into this guy's house you done fucked up.


"The Girl In Don't Breathe Got A Double Dose" maybe more...


Image result for epic beard man

"The Girl In Don't Breathe Got A Double Dose"

That was an industrial size turkey baster that creepy old bastard had, he must have worked at  Luby's cafeteria,  seriously.

She hit that creepy old bastard with the crow bar like five times and then fell down the stairs on his head,  and of course he is fine, I think he gave the thumbs up to the news camera as they wheeled him into the " Ambaaahhlanpx" or Amber Lamps.  link to street fighter fight with Epic Beard Man..

When The Girl In Don't Breathe was at the bus station with that little girl,  I thought that the movie had flash forward a few years. Had that creepy old bastard  got a couple of squeezes off on the baster? Jane Levy grabbed little Peggy and took off walking down the hallway like the walk of shame.

"The Girl In Don't Breathe Got A Double Dose"



Monday, September 26, 2016

I Want To Talk To Samson, Kevin Sumlin

I Want To Talk To Samson, Kevin Sumlin

I Want To Talk To Samson!

Samson Got Johnny Manziel On The Sugar

I Want To Talk To Samson, Kevin Sumlin

Texas A & M defeated the Arkansas Razorbacks Saturday night 45 - 24.  The Hogs coughed up the ball in the red zone and then could not tackle Texas A & M's quarterback/ tailback  Trevor Knight, who just ran up the middle untouched over and over and over and made the hogs like it. 

However the most important discovery and realization why Johnny Manziel was a drug addict during his short tenure in the NFL was apparent on the Texas A&M sideline.  Kevin Sumlin is the notorious drug dealer known as Samson, 
Candy Makes You Dandy Johnny

I Want To Talk To Samson, Kevin Sumlin

Cheers. 
KG

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Jimbo Fisher Is A Waterhead

Jimbo Fisher Is A Waterhead

It should be no surprise to any one that Jameis Winston acted like a retarded waterhead during his time at Florida State because his head coach Jimbo Fisher is a retarded waterhead.   Now I'm not going to judge Jimbo just on his name, no one has control over what their retarded daddy named them but in this case the apple does not fall far from the tree, in fact I don't think Jimbo's family tree has any branches. 
Jimbo Fisher Is A Waterhead

Last night FSU opened up their season against Ole Miss, a showdown, the waterheads vs the inbreds.
Well, right before kickoff ESPN went live to the FSU locker room right at the climax of Jimbo's motivational speech. Okay, this is an ESPN film crew in the locker room, it is not some water boy with a small GO Pro camera but a film crew with a large shoulder camera and I assume a bright light flashing which signaled that they were shooting live coverage, so the one speaking should realize that they are on camera and maybe think about what they are saying, oh not Jimbo, his speech went a little something like this and I quote:

"We gonna get in dat ASS!" Jimbo said "Clap it up one time."

I was not quite sure I believed what I heard so I turned up my equalizer on my stereo and watched as Jimbo paced around the locker room with his knuckles dragging on the floor. "Remember Why You're Here" Jimbo said, "We gonna get In Dat ASS! I said We Gonna Get In Dat ASS! Wooo!

The football players started to grunt like primates and raise their helmets in the air like a pack of orcs on Lord of The Rings. Jameis Winston was probably yelling his catch phrase, "Fuck Em Right In The Pussy!" 

"We gonna Get in dat Ass Boys!" Jimbo said with a rebel yell one last time, "Now take a knee for the Lord's Prayer".....then all the primates bowed their heads and took a knee. What In The Fuck Did I Just Observe?


I know what some of y'all are thinking, "Come on now Kyle, we like getting in dat ass and we like the Lord's Prayer, Ole Jimbo he's just molding these young minds is all." Maybe that is the problem, something is seriously wrong with this football culture and it is evident by the way a national championship winning coach is communicating with his players. "Come on now Kyle, that's just how coaches have to talk to players." Hmm, maybe all coaches talk to their players that way, hell  Jerry Sandusky  at Penn State was probably saying the same thing to his boys but instead of  "We" it was "I'm." Hello!  ESPN cut off the feed in the locker room as soon as FSU took a knee but I wonder what Jimbo Fisher finished their prayer with? "Alright, boys can I get a Rape A Bitch on 3? Jameis get in here!" 




Jimbo Fisher Is A Waterhead

Ah, yes. It is football season once again and all of the waterhead conservative Christians, also known as Republicans are in full heat across the South Eastern United States. I predict in late April / early May,  nine months from now the population of all of the trailer parks will double. Waterhead momma's are going to be popping out little waterhead miracle babies faster than a bag of microwavable popcorn. Pop, pop, pop, wahhh! I wish I could remember your daddy's name? I'm just gonna call you pizza delivery junior, oh I got it, I love Jimbo Fisher, how bout lil' Jimbo? Awww:) A new generation of Americans dependent on food stamps and football praise Jesus, now take a knee for the Lord's Prayer.... 

 PS The Arkansas Razorbacks suck again surprise, surprise. Full me once Arkansas media shame on you, full me thirty years in a row shame on me. 

KG

Friday, January 1, 2016

Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser Best Comedy of 2015

Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser Best Comedy of 2015

watch for free on Crackle.com 

David Spade, Brittany Daniel and Mark McGrath

Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser Best Comedy of 2015 (click on link to watch movie for free on Crackle.com ) 


I had to watch Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser again, it is laugh out loud hilarious from the first scene with Dennis Miller talking to the two drunk gas station attendants or maybe they were just two drunks who hang out at the gas station I am not totally sure I might need to watch it again to see...

Immediately following, is another hilarious scene that sets up a Forrest Gump style theme with Joe Deeeertay sitting on a bench talking to this black woman about his "magic boots". The black woman freaks the hell out calling Joe a " white, cracker Forrest Gump retard." great stuff...

I do not want to spoil the film for you this time...again sorry about the New Star Wars spoiler but it was just refreshing to see a mid '90's style comedy again that would make Chris Farley proud, his brother Kevin Farley is even in the movie. 

Christopher Walken reprises his role as Clem, the mafia boss.

Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser Best Comedy of 2015 (click on link to watch movie for free on Crackle.com ) 

 
Mark McGrath does a great job, however if Kid Rock would have returned to play his character would the movie be even better? I do not know, maybe. 

Brittany Daniel is as beautiful as ever and the It's A Wonderful Life alternate reality scene is great. 


IMDB gives the film a  4.3 out of 10.0...

They gave Ace Ventura 2 when Nature Calls a 6 out of 10...

And History of the World Part One a 6.9 out of 10...so pretty tough reviews but the film to me is hilarious and enjoyable. 

Monday, August 25, 2014

Anybody Got A Scantron For Ryan Mallett?



Anybody Got A Scantron For Ryan Mallett?

Today Ryan Mallett is the back up quarterback for the New England Patriots. He played for Michigan and Arkansas in college. The story I am about to tell you is true. When Ryan Mallett  was in Fayetteville, my buddy had a class with him.

Ryan Mallett with Snoop Dogg


Everybody knows that Ryan Mallett liked to smoke weed, back in his college days of course.  If you ever went to college in Fayetteville everybody smokes weed, walking around campus, in the dorms, hell probably most of the professors smoke the herb, I know I did when I was there.

One day my buddy was taking a test in one of those stadium seating, auditoriums for a huge class in Fay. Ole Ryan shows up late reeking of weed... allegedly. Everyone is silent taking their exams when Ryan Mallett blurts out....

Anybody Got A Scantron For Ryan Mallett?

Some student was like sure any thing for the starting quarterback for the Razorbacks and gave RM a scantron which is an answer sheet for multiple choice tests and necessary to have in college. So Ryan gets the scantron and everybody calms down from the sudden Ryan Mallett sighting. The Ryan blurts out...

Anybody Got a Pencil For Ryan Mallett? 

He goes, on talking in third person, "I knows somebody gots to have a #2 Pencil for Ryan Mallett!"
Someone eventually gave him a pencil, and the rest is history. Even to this day if RM goes to Fayetteville some one will yell out "Anybody Got a Scantron for Ryan Mallett?" and if you have never heard Ryan Mallett speak he is very country and sounds like this...



Ryan Mallett Needs A Scantron!
Ryan Mallett, The Man, The Myth, The Legend,